Lame Games & Knux's Dame
by Professor V
Summary: A poker game between Sonic and his pals is interrupted by a gatecrashing Knuckles, who is on the run from a mysterious someone...


As some of you know, I've already posted a couple of stories up here with very positive results (infinite thanks for them BTW!), but these tales wouldn't be uploaded without the help of a good friend of mine up here. The following is a little piece in honour of the lass whose been a great pal to me on more than one occasion. Take a bow, Ms Hamilton!

As per, all characters are property of Sega, DiC, my mate etc...oh, and I also wrote this fic shortly before I signed up here. A useless fact for all of you, there.

**"Lame Games and Knux's Dame"**

**by Professor Reginald Fortesque Vengeance (Esquire)**

Silence filled the apartment. Amy and Shadow sat back and stared intently at the scene, as Sonic slapped his cards down on the table.

"OK, Big Guy", he smirked, "Let's see ya top that." Sitting opposite, Tails peered across to his friend's hand and grinned from ear to ear. With a pop, he plucked the lollipop out of his mouth and laid out his own cards.

"Aces over kings", he chuckled and raked over the pile of rings they were using for cash. "Who loves ya, baby?"

"I don't get it!" Amy exclaimed as Sonic started reshuffling, "That's the third game in a _row_ he's won! This just ain't right!"

"Don't blame me", the young fox grinned, "Try blaming my lucky rabbit's foot", and he whipped an entire roboticised rabbit leg out from beneath his chair.

"Just remember to give that back to me, sugar, y'hear?" Bunnie called from the sofa, tapping her empty leg socket as Sally helped paint her nails.

"Huh, this stupid game's getting dull anyway", Shadow grumbled, "At least if it were _Strip_ Poker, it'd be a bit more entertaining."

"Newsflash, E.T.", Sonic interjected, "In case you haven't noticed, we hardly wear any clothes! It'd be a pretty short game, if you ask me."

His counterpart simply grunted. "It'd still be better than getting my ass kicked by a mutated Care Bear again."

"Oh come on," an exasperated Sally added, "Would it kill you to show any signs of happiness just for a few _seconds_? And I wouldn't go talking to Tails like that if I were you. He's the reason you're alive again, in case you'd forgotten."

"Yeah, and how befitting of a hero it was", Shadow said drolly, "I give my life to save the whole planet and I'm resurrected by some fun-sized Frankenstein for his school science fair."

"Hey, don't knock it", Tails replied, sounding a little hurt, "We won first prize, didn't we?"

"True", the black hedgehog added with a roll of his eyes, "We beat some balding college student with a robot chicken whose eye kept popping out. It was an uphill struggle all the way."

"Y'know, Sally's right", Amy agreed with a sigh, "You _really _need to cheer up."

"Ah, leave him alone", Sonic grinned as he dealt a fresh deck, "He's just cranky 'cos his new _girlfriend's_ on a business trip with her brother to Australia."

"For the last time, Quills-For-Brains, Coco Bandicoot is NOT my girlfriend!" Shadow barked, although his face had turned a light shade of maroon as he mentioned her name. The others quickly tried to disguise their giggles, when the sound of a large fist crashing through the apartment door broke the snickering.

"S'open!" Sonic called casually as he picked up his new hand. The door blew open and shut in an instant and everyone turned to gaze at the gatecrasher.

It was Knuckles, but he didn't look right at all as he barricaded himself against the entrance. His face wore a look of the utmost terror, his normally reddish hue had become very pale and his eyes were darting around the room as though tracking down a hypersonic fly.

"Hey, Knuckles, you made it!" Amy cheered, "I thought you and 'Vampira' were stayin' in tonight." She closed her eyes and began making kissing actions, which quickly stopped when Shadow grabbed hold of her lips.

"Oh mah stars, Knux, ya look terrible!" Bunnie commented, "What in the world happened to ya?"

"...s'bad...", the echidna quivered, "...s'real bad..."

"Someone's stolen the Chaos Emeralds?" Shadow cried dramatically, leaping to his feet and nearly knocking Amy over.

"Sega have found out we're still alive?" Sally gasped, gripping Bunnie tightly.

"They're gonna make a new series of _'Sonic X'_?" Tails yelped.

"Rouge wants another foot massage?" Sonic grinned.

"...nu-uh" Knuckles trembled, "...n-nothing like that...but I've got a f-feeling it's s-something to do with R-Robotnik..."

"Wait a minute", Shadow interrupted, "...are you talking about Eggm-"

"For the last time, Shadow, _yes_!" the echidna snapped, "Eggman equals Robotnik! Robotnik equals Eggman! What's so hard about that, man?"

"Y'know, this whole name thing was _so _much simpler back in our day, Sally Girl", Bunnie whispered, to which her friend nodded in agreement.

"Okay, it happened like this", Knuckles began. "I was killing some time until I had to meet Rouge, so I was doing my usual stuff, y'know - glidin' around, hittin' some trees, smashin' a few big rocks..." ("Quite the gentlemen, isn't he?" Amy mumbled to no-one in particular) "...when this woman appears from nowhere and starts tryin' to crush me in her arms! I swear she's tryin' to _kill _me!"

Sonic looked unconvinced. "Are you serious 'bout this, Lego-Shoes?" he asked, his eyebrow raised. "Are you sure the fumes from that Master Emerald haven't gotten to your brain?"

"Nuh-uh!" the echidna said, shaking his head, "It's gotta be one of Robotnik's robot assassins. He must've finally perfected his homing technology 'cos no matter where I went, I couldn't shake her! I only just managed to throw her off before I got here, but I've got a feeling she's still right on my ta-"

Knuckles was cut off by the rattling of the door handle outside. With a yelp of surprise, he leapt backwards and drew his fists up as the others got to their feet, all preparing themselves for conflict (Bunnie leaning on Sally for support). At last, the door flung open and there, framed in the hallway, stood the terrifying figure of...

"...a girl?" Amy spluttered.

"Maria!" Shadow cried hopefully, but it wasn't Maria. Not even close. The girl in the doorway was considerably older and had a completely anime-free appearance with her hooded St Andrew's Cross top and jeans. Her reddish-blonde hair was a generally curly mess and she was staring at Knuckles with a look of sheer awe and delight.

"_There_ you are!" she grinned broadly, "Thought you could get away from me, didn't you?" and she dashed towards the echidna.

"Stay back!" Knuckles growled, ready to take a swing at the 'robot'. But before he could get any sort of blow in, the girl tackled him to the ground and began hugging him tightly around the middle.

"GET HER OFF ME!" he yelled, desperately struggling against her unusually tight grip, "GET HER OFF ME!"

"I thought I'd lost you there for a moment, sweetie, but now I've found you again!" she cooed, "Ooo, I've wanted to meet you for such a long time and now I have and I'm never going to let you go!" She continued cuddling the thrashing echidna, oblivious to the bemused faces surrounded them. No killer robot to be seen here - just a love-struck fan-girl.

"Well, well", Bunnie chuckled, "Ah do believe somebody's been tellin' a li'l white lie."

"Oh my gosh!" Sally 'exclaimed', a wide grin plastered across her face, "The assassin's got him in her deadly crushing arms! Whatever shall we do?"

"Beats me, Aunt Sally", Tails snickered, "I guess we _could _try fighting her, but she looks _far _too powerful and dangerous for the likes of us."

"OH, KNOCK IT OFF!" Knuckles snapped over Amy's giggling and Sonic's near-hysterical laughter. His red colour was very quickly being restored now. "NOW LISTEN, MISSIE! I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE HELL YOU'VE COME FROM, BUT ON _THIS_ PLANET, ME DOING _THIS _MEANS THAT I - AM - NOT - _INTERESTED_! SO JUST GET OFF ME AND _GET LOST_!" There was a brief pause from everyone following that rant, broken only by a sigh from the mystery girl.

"...you're right, Knuxy", she said quietly, "This is stupid." She picked herself up and dusted herself off, the enthusiasm gone from her face. "Sorry about this, guys", she said sadly to the others, "I'd probably better take off", and she weakly offered her hand to Knuckles. The echidna breathed a sigh of relief as he was helped to his feet - but his fury instantly skyrocketed upwards again when she threw him over her shoulders with a cry of "Gotcha!" and casually made for the door.

"WHAT THE -" he bellowed, "HEY! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

"Taking you home, silly!", the girl replied brightly. "Oh, you're going to _love _it at my house, Knuxy. I've just refurnished the room I gave to Hugh Jackman before he ran off and I made some pretty little replacement Emeralds for you out of tennis balls and paper tissue..."

"NO! LEMEE GO!" he snarled and tried to get away, but the girl's hug simply grew stronger. Panic levels rising once more, Knuckles grew pale again as he struggled pathetically against her iron grip. "GUYS! HELP ME!" he screamed over her shoulder, "I DON'T WANNA GO! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! GUYS, C'MON! GET ME OUTTA HERE!" His desperate sobs seemed to echo around the whole building as the girl carried him out the door, out of sight and, very shortly, out of hearing.

Once again, all was quiet in the apartment, as the anthropoids stood staring out into the empty corridor.

"...uh...shouldn't we go save him or something?" Shadow asked, picking Bunnie's leg off the floor and handing it back to its owner.

"Sure thing", Sonic grinned as he closed over the punctured door and retook his place at the table. "Right after this game..."

**FIN.**


End file.
